Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
