If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
