This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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