I look better un-naked...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
