So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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