we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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