Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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