i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
