I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
