Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
