I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
