I hope mine doesn't look like that
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
