Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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