Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
