cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
