Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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