i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
