Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Will you blow on my dice?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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