I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
