I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
