I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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