I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
