you should give me head with plastic fangs in
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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