I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
