Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
