you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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