Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
