he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
