lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
