she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
