Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
