did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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