And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
