how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
