Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
