New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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