He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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