She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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