What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
