handjob tips. give me some.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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