so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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