just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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