I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
