he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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