If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
