I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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