Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's always time for handjobs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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