you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
