hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
