Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the day after is always just damage control
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
