Already got asked if we're dating
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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