Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
