wrigley field is MILF paradise
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
